The Fantastic Happy Time Msd Bar

Discussion in 'Online Refugees' started by MainCharacter, Jul 21, 2010.

  1. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

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    It was not a thing that ever happened. I would like to say that this is 100% absolutely revisionism. It's been 2 years since this and since then I've kept extensive records, documentation, and the occasional nightly journal about my life. I had to go through various current events on Google and Wikipedia and other such things to remember things past my high school graduation in 2012, as my brain got dumber, but I got increasingly accurate as I remembered more and more making sure I had "events that occurred in material reality" as accurate as I could get them. I still have trauma from this kind of event online and no I don't buy the excuse that it's all made-up, there are other humans interacting with each other on this website and the wider Internet, people behind the screen, not that that excuses any of my previous sins from one lie from someone who may have been hurt by me when I was 20 or so and thus understandably would have to lie. And anyone else I may have hurt in this community. But I still will not stand for revisionism, the truth is immutable.

    I think the history of the original forum started in 2009. According to wikipedia that was when neosteam was published or some shit I don't remember, June 12th 2009? Just to illustrate the timeframes.

    [​IMG]

    But I don't remember when I joined the AtlusOnline forum, nor the year that the event I describe below which is the same event MainCharacter is referring to occurred. But I do remember with precision of some sort.


    What actually happened was:
    X event that occurred on either the old forum, this forum, or the proboards forums, I don't remember which, I was upset about X event that happened on said forum and wanted to very specifically and directly vent about it to my followers on Twitter as an outlet. I did not tell anyone to harass anyone, I was simply sad and wanted to not bottle up my feelings. It was simply a description of that. So it was me saying "On this one forum I go to I'm upset about X thing that happened" I don't know if I said it was AtlusOnline, AO, or anything else, but I was simply too dense to realize I shouldn't be so honest about what I'm tweeting about, but I'm sure it's easy to conceptualize how stupid I was at this point. But other than potentially and obliviously saying AO or AtlusOnline in one(1) tweet, I didn't tell anyone to harass anyone.

    After that I tweeted very specifically ""On this one forum I go to I'm upset about X thing that happened"(the (1) tweet I refer to above) and then after which @Captain Falcon was also following me and yelled at me for that tweet and similar grievances. Prior in the month or before that (1) tweet I think I had tweeted a different tweet that I had gotten sick from sleep deprivation, and he responded with something along the lines of "how could you possibly get sick from sleep deprivation" and I don't remember what I responded with(yet?) and I'm not actually sure what I got sick from then but I do get sick from sleep deprivation sometimes in the past few months. These things are unrelated I'm just saying both things definitely happened and I remember.

    I'd go on but I'm pretty much absolutely certain that what happened was I tweeted the thing(1) with "On this one forum I go to I'm upset about X thing that happened" when I was feeling upset to vent and have an outlet for my feelings in my internal mind into the external, I did not tell anyone to harass anyone, and that was the end of that. But others took different interpretations from that were not reality nor the truth.

    I did everything wrong and I have too many sins, regrets, and mistakes. But I do wish to make sure that this truth is known especially because of those mistakes.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2018
  2. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

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  3. Yuri

    Yuri Well-Known Member

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    You were so on point about my situation in this post, good job! I felt kind of relieved reading your post.. it made me feel a lot better actually, so thanks. I'm working hard on easing up a bit! I am a stronger happier Yuri now. I think.

    Did you ever end up playing P5? I know you liked Makoto visually.
     
  4. MainCharacter

    MainCharacter Goddess

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    43,880
    I say this with complete sincerity and honesty: I think you should get some help.

    That's not meant to be an attack or insult and is not related in any way to any past drama we've had. I just think that holding onto something like this for over two years and trying to continue an argument long since dead in this intense of a way is extremely unhealthy, and this sentiment is backed up pretty strongly by literally everything you've said in this post. You've clearly got a lot going on and if you haven't already I really recommend you seek professional help. I don't know if therapy or medication or whatever is needed, but those things help a lot of people and I really hope you consider them in the future.

    As for the rest of your post, which I'm not going to bother quoting, I don't know what to tell you. The post you are quoting is, as you admit, over two years old, and the events in question seemingly five years old at least. I've been through a lot of stuff in that time and I wouldn't even begin to pretend to have a perfect memory of an internet argument from five years ago. However, if you are curious how I remember the events, I am more than happy to recount them. Most of this stuff still survives in this thread, so it's there to dig through if you want, but I wouldn't recommend it. If this doesn't line up with your memory of the event, you are free to dismiss it if it makes you feel better. I think a line like "I still will not stand for revisionism, the truth is immutable" is a little dramatic, though. There was a time when I would probably feel similarly about this, but I've been detached from this community for too long, and been through enough real life drama in the past year or two, to really accept so dramatic a sentence about this half a decade old internet argument. Not that you're invalid for feeling strongly about this, I'm just not there anymore myself, and I think it's potentially unhealthy that you are.

    Anyway, I remember you throwing around a certain homophobic slur which really upset me and worried me that it would turn others away from joining our thread, which I cared way too much about at the time. I asked you not to do it and it spiraled into a huge argument. I don't remember exactly what either of us said to each other during that time, I'm sure I said harsh things at times as well, but I do remember literally everyone on here (even those who also use That Word) agreeing with me that you were being a jerk about it. You then started posting about it on twitter. You mentioned me by name and you linked to this thread. You may not remember doing this, but you did. I know you did because I remember people from twitter joining to post in response to it, and I very strongly remember getting a few PMs at the time from strangers as well. Did you call for people to harass me? I can't say I remember any tweet from you specifically saying to harass me, so I'll accept it if you say that wasn't your intention. Like I said, it was five years ago and, more importantly, I was in a very VERY dark place at the time. Severe depression, strong social anxiety, consistent suicidal thoughts, occasional suicide attempt, and an intense fear and paranoia of everyone hating me combined with a desire to prove them right for hating me. If there are actions or words of mine that you never understood, please view them with that lens in mind. I was not okay. Hell, I'm still not okay. I'll never be okay. I just got some of that stuff in check, and make an effort to grow out of it and try to live some kind of life with it. So while you may have honestly just wanted to vent on twitter and didn't consider the consequences of sharing my name and a link to our thread, to me that very likely read as a personal attack, especially once I was contacted by people I didn't know about it.

    As a side-note, during my time as a Secret Moderator of AO, the then-current staff told me they weren't going to ban you not because they didn't think you deserved it, but because they were afraid you were going to go to 4chan or something and gather trolls to attack the website. You may have never been that kind of person, but your actions at the time gave you that appearance. I apologize if I've made your life worse in any way by holding that grudge against you, and I'm sorry if you've felt misunderstood all this time because of it, but you should probably accept some of the responsibility as well if you are going to still be thinking about this all these years later.

    For what it's worth, you said and did some really shitty things. You can go on about revisionist history if you want, but you knowingly told a suicidal person you were surprised they hadn't killed themself already. This whole thing started because you couldn't handle being asked not to say something that upset me. You seem to accept that these things are wrong, and if it makes you feel any better I no longer hold any real animosity towards you for them. They feel like very distant events to me, almost like they happened to a different person. People grow and change. Five years is a long time. I've certainly changed a lot in the past five years. Honestly I've changed a lot in the last year alone. I hope you get the same kind of changes, if you haven't already. I really hope you sort out the stuff that's wrong, and like I said, please don't hesitate to seek professional help if you think you should. Issues with memory are especially worrying. Hope it all works out for you.
     
  5. MainCharacter

    MainCharacter Goddess

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    43,880
    Now that I've gotten that out of the way, sorry it's been awhile since I responded, but given that this thread is kind of only alive right now because I'm here, I guess it's fine. I assume you all talk on the discord more often or has the community just died?

    What happened to your internet?

    And I'm not reading anything specific right now, although I have a few books piled up and ready to go. I picked up the new Stephen King book, the first Witcher book, and a recent impulse buy thriller called Something in the Water.

    I'm glad I could help you feel better! Hopefully you get more free time to enjoy soon too.

    And I didn't play P5. The idea of playing a 100 hour RPG seems like an impossible feat to me right now but I also don't really have any interest in Persona anymore. I looked into Persona 5 when it came out and I'm sure it's a good video game but I definitely would have issues with it's writing now that I could have let go more easily a few years ago. I would still totally date Makoto if she were real, though. Short to medium length hair, cute clothes, and a dominating personality that has her ready to kick butt immediately? I've fallen for for that type in real life too.
     
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  6. Captain Falcon

    Captain Falcon Well-Known Member

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    I certainly applaud you on such a long response that was non confrontational and rather constructive. I certainly would have difficulty with that.

    Yeah, we use our Discord channel. Actually have/had some people that haven't been on the forums in years. Hell, Wyvern was there for a bit (until he had a pissy fit and left, anyway). I think House is there too.
     
  7. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I know what happened, the entire point of what I was saying was in case you tried to lie about it, which is if you did and you did,is pretty much abuser rhetoric from the get-go, I'm sorry I can't be the perfect rational victim of your bullying I guess.
     
  8. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    6,426
  9. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

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    Also noticing that I said "This one(1) thing you said happen didn't happen" gets a hilariously ignorant response like THAT, oh god, you couldn't be more slimey and obvious.
     
  10. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

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    No wait I'm being reactionary, MainCharacter is basically almost entirely correct, though my initial statement isn't inaccurate, I'm sure it is possible and probably did happen that people PMed her at the time that I would have no idea about which is where my initial post was coming from anyways but that does in fact constitute harassment from someone who may or may not have seen my Twitter posts, which I do regret, but I have no intention of negotiating with someone who responds with "You're insane" in a form of sanism to try and structure their post to be "the rational one." I can tell what's going on with that, I see it all the time on the Internet. I do not wish to speak to you ever again because you seem like a bad person if you're willing to use abuser rhetoric even though you are not an abuser, though I don't think you were ever being revisionist now, although more trustworthy than I realized, and I am leaving this forum forever now. Also wanting to seek a resolution to something unresolved from two years ago is really the opposite of "needing help" and I don't really think it points to someone being an irrational, abnormal, etc person, or even anything really, at most it would be something like OCD but this is soooo not that.

    I will have to say that "telling a suicidal person to kill themselves" is probably something I actually did in regards to MainCharacter, but again I only (slightly)disagreed on one event's report and nothing else, so I don't deny that I did that, and that did happen, I feel bad about it but it's a bit too late to say that now.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2018
  11. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

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    That was entirely confrontational and only constructive if you would actively want to hurt and manipulate the mentally ill and vulnerable. What are you even talking about? If you would have difficulty with that, I think you should self-reflect on if you're actually that good of a person in your everyday life. I don't think your aggression was ever really that judicious before.
     
  12. SilentThisSide199x

    SilentThisSide199x Well-Known Member

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  13. Scyth

    Scyth Well-Known Member

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    Just moved and had no internet for a week.

    If you end up reading any of them, feel free to post your thoughts. I'd love to hear your opinions and comments on it.

    Also, on the whole Sheep and MSD thing. I read the entire thing and I'm not actually even sure what I read for half of it at least. I don't really have an opinion of it either way, but I figured I should at least notate it as I did read through it all.
     
  14. Captain Falcon

    Captain Falcon Well-Known Member

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    Never said I was. But I own that. And that's neither here nor there, because you're the one starting shit. You decide to bring up years old issues (completely unprompted, mind you), clearly looking for a fight. And for a response that, as I said, was rather tame, you immediately play the victim card? And paint her as an emotional abuser? Are you fucking kidding me? Like, wow. I'll tell you one thing: my recollection of past events far closes matches MC's account than yours. You clearly need some serious help.
     
  15. Luma

    Luma Well-Known Member

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    14,565
    Hi MSD, I'm glad to hear you are doing well :)
     
  16. MainCharacter

    MainCharacter Goddess

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    I wanted to reply for a few reasons. Reading back on the post he linked was a little jarring for me because how I responded two years ago is definitely not how I would respond today, so I didn't want that to be my last word on the matter. In particular I wanted to kind of admit and make sure everyone understood just how fucked up I was for a long time and how that bled into my actions on here. But also because his post legitimately concerned me, as do his more recent responses. I honestly think he needs help and I'm a little sad he took that as some manipulative insult, because it was entirely sincere. I'm sure he can't see how badly he needs help from where he is, but it's evident to anyone removed from his situation reading that. Regardless of my issues with him in the past, I really just wanted to say that I hope he eventually reaches a place where he can admit there's something wrong and he seeks out the help he needs, but I think he's too locked into his unhealthy way of thinking right now. I'm not really in a position where I can deal with that, though, I'm still working on my own mental health stuff, so I'm gonna let this response to YOU be my only real response to his replies.

    Oh? What happened with Wyvern? I have such a messy history with him too. I would have liked for a chance to properly apologize for him having to deal with some of my bullshit, even if it was 5 years ago or whatever, but also given things he's said about my "political opinions", I feel like we'd only clash more now than ever before, so maybe it's for the best...

    And sorry if I'm being a pain dragging you all back onto this forum when you prefer discord. Whenever you're done catching up with me feel free to stop checking in here. I'm not trying to revive this place or anything, it's just better for me than discord.

    Oh, right right. How do you like the new place?

    and if I remember to do so, I will.

    Thanks! How are you?!
     
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  17. Ammy175

    Ammy175 Well-Known Member

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    He said he wasn't comfortable being around "political extremists". Which, I don't understand in the slightest, but then again, I don't wish to give myself a headache by going back and reading the conversation that was going on, and trying to understand what was being said.

    I'm pretty sure most of us (or at least me and Scyth) would check the forums anyway, even if there wasn't any activity here.
     
  18. MainCharacter

    MainCharacter Goddess

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    43,880
    I'm not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't that. Political extremism? I'd ask in what direction, but I think I already know. I can't imagine anyone here being all that extreme, anyway. Then again, I do remember him seeming bothered by the direction I was going near the end of my time here and it's been so many years since I really knew him well. We were all kind of edgy internet kids at first, but I could only handle sexism and homophobia in my life so much until the edgy internet kid scene lost it's appeal, and I don't think we would have been able to get along today if he hadn't grown up a little bit. So it's kind of a shame, but maybe for the best.
     
  19. Scyth

    Scyth Well-Known Member

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    It's quite nice and there's a lot more space for the cats to run around and hang out, which I think has been good for them.

    As Ammy said, I check with fair regularity even when there was no activity for a long stretch of time. Takes like two seconds.
     
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  20. Captain Falcon

    Captain Falcon Well-Known Member

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    He was mad because he was just plain wrong.
     
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